Frantic Romantic
Scottsdale, AZ
Joined March 2015
- Tweets365
- Following522
- Followers556
- Likes898
Jonathan Granny retweeted
I don’t need your Twitter wife freaking out in my DM’s. Figure out what your relationship status is before hitting me up
Jonathan Granny retweeted
It's 9am and this chick has her tits in my face at a business meeting. God is good.
Jonathan Granny retweeted
If you finish the Big Mac meal in your car before you get home, it’s like it never happened.
Jonathan Granny retweeted
Marriage is spooning until your arm goes numb so you can do the stranger after she's asleep.
Jonathan Granny retweeted
I bought the wife a pug dog yesterday. Despite the bulging eyes, squashed face, and rolls of fat....
The dog seems to like her.
Jonathan Granny retweeted
As a basketball player you should know when to dribble between your legs. Unfortunately I can't help it, my dong just leaks naturally.
Jonathan Granny retweeted
The only thing I'm casting a vote for today is a vote to sit down when I pee. I just got a squishy toilet seat so I'm excited to use it
Jonathan Granny retweeted
How do I get my kids to behave in the car? I threaten to keep radio on the 80’s station…works every time.
Jonathan Granny retweeted
Mayor: "This earthquake has devastated our city"
Town Planner: "In hindsight we should have built it on something better than rock 'n roll"
Jonathan Granny retweeted
You should get a new keyboard. This ones missing a few keys.
*stares off into the distance*
"Yeah, that was the night I lost Ctrl"
Jonathan Granny retweeted
I'm smart, but not know when the right time to just shut the fuck up is smart.
Jonathan Granny retweeted
[God creating me]
And then we sprinkle in just a touch of anxiety
[the lid pops off and the whole jar spills in]
[God shrugs] He'll be fine
